Energy In Harmony (according to a divorced person that reads a lot)
Share
You’ve likely encountered the buzzwords “feminine energy” and “masculine energy” lately—maybe you've even heard someone say, “I’m in my feminine energy,” or seen social media clapbacks like, “Leave that man alone, sis; he’s in his feminine energy.” But what does it all MEAN?!
When we hear “masculine,” our minds often jump to stereotypical images: sports, fixing things, and the raw power of lifting weights. Conversely, “feminine” conjures up softer images—think pink hues, delicate flowers, and cozy wicker chairs on sunlit porches. While these associations might hold a grain of truth (yes, many men do enjoy sports and most women appreciate flowers), they don’t paint the full picture. These traits aren't inherently tied to gender; they reflect different energies within all of us. Grasping these concepts is crucial for cultivating balance within ourselves and fostering healthier relationships.
Now, if you just read “healthy relationships” and rolled your eyes, I get it. As a divorced woman emerging from a decade-long toxic relationship, I’m certainly not here to dish out relationship advice. But let me tell you—I’ve learned a thing or two about what not to do. More importantly, I’ve become intimately acquainted with my body and all its intricate feelings, needs, and desires, often all surfacing at once. Plus I read a lot. My journey has been a transformative dive into redefining everything I thought I knew about relationships, especially after being in the same one for most of my adult life. Beneath the complexities, I discovered a subtle, energetic tapestry of traits we often have little control over, but what can have a huge impact on our romantic relationships. I can say with confidence that in my previous relationship, I was forced to take on a masculine role/energy, when I am inherently a feminine energy through and through. I believe this to be a large factor in my divorce (I won’t publicly air out the other things). I don’t want to be a boss babe all the time. I don’t want to carry all of the mental load, and do everything, and take care of everything, and everyone, and make all the decisions, and book every family vacation, and do all of the scheduling, and pay the bills, and work, and and and and and.
[Disclaimer: this is being written from my point of view- a heterosexual woman who identifies as being very feminine, who requires a man in his masculine- but all types of love and relationships matter, and so if you identify as literally anything else, please take in the information how you'd like and apply as it makes sense to you!]
Here we go!
Feminine energy embodies receptivity, nurturing, intuition, and creativity. It’s the heartbeat of emotions, relationships, and the natural ebb and flow of life. When someone is connected to their feminine side, they tap into their feelings, embrace vulnerability, and become open to receiving love and support. Remember, this isn’t just about gender.
Healthy Feminine Energy Traits
- Openness and receptivity
- Emotional expression and empathy
- Nurturing and caring for others
- Intuition and creativity
- Flow and adaptability
Imagine this: a warm hugger, a lover who tears up during the poignant moments of a movie—someone deeply in tune with their emotions and those of others.
Masculine Energy
Masculine energy is all about action, structure, logic, and decisive thinking. It embodies stability, goal orientation, and assertiveness. When you’re in your masculine energy, you take charge, provide, protect, and lead with unwavering confidence and clarity. You're a doer, an alpha, a get shit done kind of person.
Healthy Masculine Energy Traits
- Leadership and assertiveness
- Logic and reasoning
- Action-oriented and goal-driven
- Providing and protecting
- Structure and stability
Picture this: someone at the helm of an important project, a high-income earner who not only supports themselves but perhaps a family, making key decisions with ease and authority.
So there you have it, folks!
Just kidding! If only it were that simple. Behind curtain numero 3 lies the complexity of Wounded Energies.
Wounded Feminine Energy
When feminine energy is wounded, it distorts and can manifest in unhealthy ways. A wounded feminine might become overly passive, manipulative, or emotionally volatile. This individual may feel unworthy of love or become caught in a cycle of victim hood.
Signs of Wounded Feminine Energy:
- Codependency and seeking external validation
- Emotional instability or mood swings
- Manipulation through emotions (guilt, shame, etc.)
- Victim mentality or low self-worth
- Over-giving to the point of depletion
Imagine the quintessential burnt-out mother: she’s juggled a chaotic day with kids, slaved over dinner only for it to go uneaten, and by the time the kids go to bed, she’s left with no energy for self-care, simmering with resentment towards her partner, her kids, everyone.
Wounded Masculine Energy
Wounded masculine energy manifests as toxic control, aggression, rigidity, or emotional suppression. Those operating from this energy might exhibit dominating behavior, disconnect from their feelings, or wield power destructively.
Signs of Wounded Masculine Energy:
- Controlling and aggressive behavior
- Emotional repression and avoidance of vulnerability
- Dominating others or using power destructively
- Rigid, inflexible thinking
- Fear of failure or an over-reliance on success for self-worth
If we are assuming that we are talking about a man in his wounded masculine, it can look like: being a jealous partner for no reason, trying to control what his partner wears or who she talks to or where she goes, being "stuck in his ways" IE never willing to compromise or give a little, or being snappy and condescending for no reason (IS there EVER a reason to be condescending???? No)
So HOW does this impact the dynamic in relationships you ask?
In relationships, imbalanced or wounded energies create toxic dynamics. If both partners are operating from wounded states, the relationship may devolve into power struggles and emotional manipulation. If one partner is wounded while the other is healthy, it can lead to an imbalance where one takes on the caretaker role, while the other avoids responsibility.
- Wounded Feminine in Relationships: A person with wounded feminine energy might depend heavily on their partner for validation and emotional security, fearing abandonment. This could manifest as emotional neediness or resentment as they over-give in hopes of being loved in return.
- Wounded Masculine in Relationships: Conversely, a person with wounded masculine energy might become overly controlling, distant, or emotionally unavailable, using anger or dominance to exert power and shying away from vulnerability. This creates a lack of emotional connection and can foster resentment in their partner.
For relationships to really bloom, both partners need to embrace their fabulous feminine and dashing masculine energies! It’s like mixing the perfect cocktail. And it is true that we ALL inherently exhibit a bit of both energies, but typically the scales do tip heavily one way. This balance fosters mutual support, respect, and growth, allowing both partners to feel safe expressing their full emotional spectrum.
The Conflict
When a woman is inherently in touch with her feminine energy but feels compelled to adopt a masculine role in her romantic relationship, her behavior might reflect a struggle between her true nature and the expectations placed on her. We all know that girl, and maybe we are that girl. Here’s an example:
Scenario:
Let’s say every woman we know (kidding- we will call her LINDA) is a nurturing, intuitive woman who thrives in creative environments. She enjoys expressing her emotions and connecting deeply with others. However, in her relationship with (we will call him MICHAEL), she often feels the need to take charge and make decisions because he is more passive and avoids confrontation.
The Behavioral Shifts:
- Overfunctioning: Linda might find herself constantly planning their outings, managing finances, and making decisions about their future. While she may do this out of love and desire, it can lead to feelings of exhaustion and resentment.
- Suppressed Emotions: Normally expressive, Linda may start to bottle up her feelings to maintain peace or avoid conflict. Instead of sharing her vulnerabilities, she might feel pressured to appear strong and unbothered.
- Control Issues: To compensate for the imbalance, Linda might become controlling, insisting on how things should be done or what decisions should be made, which can create tension between her and Michael.
- Loss of Intuition: Linda might ignore her gut feelings about the relationship or other important aspects of her life, prioritizing logic and structure over her natural, intuitive instincts.
- Diminished Self-Care: With the burden of taking on a masculine role, Linda might neglect her self-care routines, feeling guilty about taking time for herself when there are responsibilities to manage.
- Emotional Withdrawal: As the pressure builds, she may start to withdraw emotionally, feeling trapped in a role that doesn’t reflect her true self. This can lead to frustration and a sense of isolation within the relationship.
Outcome:
I could go on and on and on, but, if you find yourself identifying as a Linda in your relationship—feeling like you’ve traded your flowy dress for a suit and tie—don’t fret sweetie! It’s time to have a heart-to-heart with your partner. Remember, relationships shouldn’t feel like a game of tug-of-war where one person is always pulling the weight. Bring back the balance hunny. In doing so you'll open up the floodgates for better conversations, intimacy, and your relationship will inevitably thrive.
Human beings are sooo complex, amirite? Our brains are busy little beehives, buzzing with emotions and ideas, and our behaviors can change faster than you can say dirty martini. We’ve got dreams, fears, needs and a sprinkle of weirdness that keeps things interesting. You just need to find that person that's willing to do the work with you. Easier said than done!
Shout out to my therapist, Indigo books, and my neurodivergence for this deep dive.