The Cost of Staying Stuck
The Cost of Staying Stuck
We’re living through a time when everything feels harder and more and more inconvenient which is so ironic because we've also evolved into this societal norm where we can (and do) expect things in an instant. You need groceries? Have them delivered within 2 hours. Do you need a TV? Go on Amazon and select "next day delivery". But this all comes at a quiet cost: Interest rates are up, groceries cost double, and “leaving” — whether it’s a job, a home, or a relationship — feels like an impossible luxury.
And yet, the emotional cost of staying small and silent? Astronomical.
What I'm about to talk about, I know to be facts as I spend my days and nights conversing with women, from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. My group chats are popping off by 7 AM, I see women at their lowest coming into my office at my day job, I assist victims of domestic violence in a volunteer capacity, I run a cosmetics company. Girls girls girlssss and trust me, I believe that without a doubt, yapping with girls is my life's work underneath it all. I find right now a lot women are holding it all together while secretly falling apart — Mothers, partners, professionals — trying to cling to stability in a world that keeps asking for more. We stay because it’s practical. We stay because starting over in any manner feels reckless. We stay because fear has become a kind of currency we keep spending to keep the peace.
But there does come a breaking point. And sometimes, the scariest thing you can do is admit that “good enough” isn’t enough, and it isn't good either.
Leaving When It Doesn’t Make Sense
Getting ready to leave something doesn't always look brave. Sometimes it looks like crying in your car outside a job that drains you. It can also look like signing a lease you can barely afford because you can’t stand another night pretending you’re happy. It might look like trading in your car for something more affordable, or going to see a therapist, or inviting your best friends over for wine and crying. Here's the thing about starting over:
It’s terrifying.
It’s lonely.
It’s one of the most honest things you’ll ever do.
We glorify the “strong woman” who endure. But endurance and strength are not synonymous, and most often they are both fear in disguise. Real strength is walking into the unknown, shaking, but paving the way.
Motherhood and the Guilt We Inherit
If you’re a Mom, the guilt of all of the above hits differently. Society still sells us the same outdated fantasy: the white picket fence, the smiling family photos, the tidy home, dinner on the table. Anything else feels like an epic failure.
But here’s the truth no one prints on parenting blogs:
Staying in a situation that kills your spirit doesn’t protect your children — it teaches them that settling is normal. And it can actually hurt them and teach them behaviours that will take them into adulthood and hurt their relationships down the line.
I remember feeling unsupported, disrespected, and burnt out with a newborn baby and feeling like this cannot be my life forever, this cannot be what it's about. I was asking for help and support, or I dunno, a little respect- prepared to go it alone as a single Mom of two if I did not receive those things. I actually was gaslighted by a female family member that I was acting irrationally, and exhibiting symptoms of post-partum depression (derogatory), in my quest to be treated like an equal in all of my I-just-birthed-a-baby- glory. Well golly fucking gee, if asking for the bare minimum makes me seem like I have post-partum depression, then guilty as charged. How insulting not only to me to discredit the emotions I was having over my lack of support (and sleep) as a new Mom but also how insulting to the hundreds of thousands of women who experience legitimate PPD every single day for various reasons, all of which are so damn valid.
All of this suffice to say- what if breaking the cycle isn’t ruining your family, but saving it?
What if showing your kids what it looks like to start over becomes the most powerful lesson of all?
Rewriting the Story
Let’s be honest- starting over as a woman in 2025 isn’t just an emotional decision. It’s financial, logistical, and often political. The world wasn’t built to make any this easy for us. We've all heard our elders say at one point "back in my day, we didn't get divorced, we stuck it out through hell or high water!" Wellllll Grandma, are you sure that wasn't because a bank wouldn't approve you for a loan or mortgage without a male co-signer until 1974? Nineteen seventy fucking four. Or prior to that, you would have been burned at the stake for leaving your husband, much less with his children in tow? Personally, if you aren't a woman that would have been burned at the stake hundreds of years ago, I have no interest in being your friend now, lol. But also, women statistically did not start working out of the home on a more regular (but still a less frequent) basis until the late eighties, so how were you even going to pay rent or a loan?
Now if we're honing in on the divorce/ separation topic specifically here, and it is a HOT topic, I always encourage people to try and work it out with their partners when they tell me they are having issues. I love to see a couple that openly adores each other and while that doesn't mean they never have issues behind closed doors, the couples that come out on top are the ones that inherently love and (KEY WORD HERE..) respect each other. I have friends that are in these very relationships. I also have friends whose husbands are not very nice to them, and that's hard to watch. In that case, I am the biggest supporter of divorce. I would lay down in the street before I would ever let a man make jokes at my expense or call me names or yell in my face. I would rather wake up alone every single day for the rest of my life before I will allow a pit in my stomach to surface every time I am driving home from work because "home" is not a nice place to be, and it's not if you're experiencing the things I mentioned above. And children feel that. Even if you don't argue in front of them, they sense hostility. They know when their Mother is being cherished and loved properly. And they know when she is not. Trust me, they fucking know.
[Disclaimer I understand that general disrespect can occur by all parties in all types of romantic relationships but this piece is written from my personal heterosexual point of view and experience in relationships and is not necessarily reflective of the nuances that exist within every single household ever, okurrrr]
And the thing that leads us to leaving? Whether it's leaving that job or that guy that's been sending you into fight or flight- that decision rarely occurs after some huge astronomical blowup. These fights or insults or blowups over time chip and chip away at us, and without any proper repair, the cracks do start to form. Most often, the decision to leave is made when that final chip- tiny as it may be- cracks open the whole foundation, your whole heart. You might be too scared to do anything about it at that exact moment in time, but you will know and you will tell yourself "I'm fucking done".
And if I had a dollar for every time I heard a man say " You're overreacting, you're leaving over THAT??? That tiny little thing I just said or did??" I wouldn't have to work as much or as hard as I do, I'll tell ya that for free. And one thing about me, I'm a leaver. I will leave. I will absolutely positively walk out the gosh damn door if I am consistently being treated poorly ANYWHERE, so sue me.
But you'll know your truth. You'll know it was a long fuse and a slow burn. And you'll make moves instinctively and you may even surprise yourself on when that is.
Because when you rebuild from truth, something shifts. You start to make decisions from clarity, not fear. You create a life that fits your skin, not someone else’s expectations, society's expectations. You stop apologizing for wanting more, you stop venting and you start doing.
That's liberation, baby.
Diamonds are made under pressure, babes.
Starting over isn’t glamorous like some glossy montage with inspirational music playing in the background like it shows on Instagram. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes brutally lonely. It hurts in ways that don’t always have words — like shedding a version of yourself you've outgrown but still love deeply.
Beneath all of those feelings and the chaos, there’s a pulse. It puts one foot in front of the other and there’s something wild and sacred about that. It's pretty badass actually. Because women can go through the most traumatic of events and still do hard things. And it's like, BUT DID YOU DIE??? And most often the answer is no. No, I didn't die. But I might have if I stayed stuck there for much longer...
The beauty industry loves to sell us transformation: new hair, new look, a “new you.” But the type of transformation I am referencing here is the kind that doesn’t wash off. It’s the kind that comes from burning everything that no longer serves you and rising anyway.You are a woman choosing herself and her children too if you have them — even when it’s hard, even when it’s inconvenient, even when no one claps for you. Even when people gaslight you and make excuses for someone who did you dirty.
You are a woman refusing to disappear inside her own life. And that, more than anything, is what real beauty looks like. Don't let that shit go on the sale rack.
The inspo of this piece has been so timely for me. We are so happy to now be offering Woodstock pick up for all of your lovely orders again. Back to our roots, and that's showbiz baby.
xx
Kait